In the comments section here I have included thesis statements that we did NOT get a chance to discuss in class today. Everyone must comment on ALL of them by replying to the comment! Feel free to ask questions, give suggestions, or give other critically helpful comments to Jason, Andee, Michael, and Megan.
ANDEE:
ReplyDeletePost abortion therapies such as counseling should be provided by abortion clinics. This is return will decrease the amount of suicides and other psychological problems among women who have abortions.
I didn't even know suicide was an issue that was linked to abortion. I'm stoked to see how this turns out.
DeleteWhoa suicide?? That's a heavy issue. Also what are other psychological problems? Can you be more specific?
DeleteWould it be required to participate in the therapy?
DeleteIt's controversial and does make a point, it's a good thesis
DeleteThis is a really interesting topic. What are some of the other psychological problems?
DeleteThis is a solid thesis because it raises so man questions.
DeleteI am hoping you'll discuss different counseling options (maybe even categorize these?). I also agree with Brianna - would these be mandatory? who will pay for them? how long should these counseling programs be? Where will they be located? etc. etc.
DeleteFix your typo: "is" should be "in"
Good topic, there should be a lot to talk about. Does this mean you are for abortion or you just concerned about the teens well being?
DeleteYou will probably use a lot of case studies. I really like your thesis and I can see where you are going with this
DeleteVery interesting topic. are there other psychological problems that occur?
DeleteHow will the therapy be funded? Will it come out of the patient's pockets?
DeleteI like the topic. Do you think this provided support will increase the number of abortions?
DeleteJASON:
ReplyDeleteThe telecommunication companies' increased control over the internet will equate to the loss of freedom in the internet because they will be able to control what websites we have access to.
Completely agree with you that it is a loss of our freedom.
DeleteYour thesis sounds good! Totally agree with you, hope your paper have strong points and good evidences.
DeleteHow much control do they have?
DeleteIt's makes a good point, makes me interested in reading your paper!
DeleteThis is a great topic. Especially since internet use is so frequent today. Are there any possible solutions?
DeleteHow do you know that they will be able to see everything?
DeleteAll these are good comments!
DeleteSome of my own:
- "equate to the loss of freedom" seems awkward because of the preposition "to" - I suggest rewording to something like "will mean loss of freedom" (but I also suggest stating what specific kinds of freedoms you're talking about)
- How will they control what websites we access? Maybe you can spell it out a bit more for us in your thesis statement so there is more specificity and your roadmap is stronger.
Will this lead to people not using the internet as much because they are concerned about their privacy? What can be done to stop this?
Deletewhat sources or credible evidence do you have?
DeleteHow much control would these companies posses?
DeleteMEGAN:
ReplyDeleteStricter laws are needed to limit construction in Hawaii in order to preserve historical sites, and to maintain the state's unique culture and character.
You should talk about the amount of support that comes with "keeping the country country"
DeleteInteresting topic. You should talk about preserving Hawaiian lands in your paper. Its a huge issue.
DeleteI think you're supporting statements are strong as long as you have clear evidence
DeleteWhat kind of laws?
DeleteThis is interesting and makes me want to know what type of construction and laws you are talking about.
DeleteMegan's new thesis statement is: "Further development benefits Hawaii's economy, however, construction on historical site diminishes Hawaii's true beauty. Stricter laws are needed to limit construction in order to preserve historical sites, and maintain the state's unique culture and character."
DeleteVery important topic since their is lots of construction always going on here. I liked how you are specifying it on Hawaii instead of leaving it to the general U.S.
DeleteI would recommend looking at reports done by the Hawaii Burial Council on the effects of this
DeleteGreat topic. I definitely think that statistics would be helpful in your article.
DeleteMaybe you can include past projects such as the freeways in your paper.
Deletewhat restrictions will they make?
DeleteMICHAEL
ReplyDeleteThe effects of GMOs on the environment as well as humans is still uncertain. Distribution and production of these goods should be strictly regulated.
Explain what GMOs are in the first paragraph because I have no clue.
DeleteYour thesis is kind of confusing and broad. You should be more specific and explain more.
DeleteExplain how they should be regulated
DeleteAre you going to focus on regulation in a particular area, like Hawaii?
DeleteMake it more specific because right now I am not really sure what you are talking about.
DeleteI agree with your commenters Michael. I suggest formatting as such:
DeleteThe uncertain causes and effects of GMO's, such as __(what are the uncertainties?)________ on human health and the environment lead me to argue for stricter regulations. I suggest_____(more research? banning of certain pesticides? regulations on pesticides? labeling on food? etc.)______ in order to make more informed decisions about agricultural policy in ___(Hawaii, US, ?)_______.
I also have no idea what a GMO is, maybe write it out instead of using the abbreviation words.
Deletethis is a very broad statement. you should work on making it more specific
DeleteWhat are some of the effects so far from GMO's on the environment?
DeleteMaybe you can include the GMOs that are currently widespread in the market and how significant or insignificant an impact has been made.
Deletewhat specific restrictions?
DeleteUncertain is very broad and how should they be regulated?
ReplyDelete